I miss

You have only been gone ten days But already I'm wasting away

I know I'll see you again Whether far or soon

But I need you to know that I care And I miss you

—"I miss you," Incubus.

The super natural ability of all things human to miss all manner of things is a topic that fascinates me. I'd be remiss, though, if I ever said I never missed a thing.

The point, for instance, is a thing I miss quite often.

I don't mean to, of course. Every so often I speak of being misunderstood and a little bit like I can't quite connect with a group I'm in.

I never know what to talk about at parties. I can keep up with most conversations, somehow. Every now and then I catch myself missing the point of the entire conversation and winging my way through it, though. I've heard about the incredible feats your child has conducted, though I miss the whole point of this tale. I'm mildly intrigued about your conversation's direction, but even as you finish up I think I have absolutely no clue what you went about or what the main premise was. You're proud of your kid, right? That's what this whole thing is about?

Then again, it may just be a matter of purpose.

Am I missing the point of it all because there is, really, no point to it all?

Damn it. Once again, I caught myself rolling my eyes at my inner existential tangents.

I feel like I misunderstand the point of why your pride resides on the fact your child has stopped eating clay.

Hurray, though. Let's have a toast over the incredible feat of abstinence your child has developed.

Interestingly enough, I seem to be understood anyways. I lack understanding and others seem to keep up with me more often than I feel comfortable with.

To be understood and to lack understanding says a lot more about me as a person than everyone else, I suppose. It's not for a lack of trying, obviously. I want to be as understanding and empathetic as possible, but I find it difficult to do so over a child overcoming basic evolutionary behaviors.

(Is lacking empathy on rudimentary knowledge and the innate ability to socialize a lack of basic evolutionary behaviors? If so, shouldn't I feel a bit more empathy?)

I digress.

The point is, I tend to miss out on the point of anything quite often.

I also miss out on life as well, as I'm sure many others do.

Life is a vastly abstract concept. As such, people will evidently miss a big portion they navigate within it.

Life is as limited as the time we use to live it. Yet we don't stop ourselves from taking as big a bite of that cookie as we can.

After 2020 maybe more than any other year, the number of times we've missed the opportunity to go out and try a new bar, or restaurant, or coffee place has grown exponentially higher.

I miss traveling to known and unknown places.

We miss thrice as many opportunities to discover new places whenever we go anywhere. We miss out on all the magical places we could visit.

I miss going back home to a home I never lived in, and I miss getting out my comfort zone to find a home.

I miss going out to have a drink alone as much as I miss going out to have an awkward talk with a friend I truly appreciate and love.

I miss all those things I really don't miss but find myself missing in moments of desperation.

I'm surrounded by people on a daily, and I miss people.

I miss the fights, and the arguments ensued at unknown places over nothing.

I miss missing all the nuances.

I miss missing all the right words, the way one misses faces in a crowd.

Like knowing the words are there but not quite at your reach.

I miss missing the right way to say I love you.

Do I say I love you or do I place my hand on your shoulder as we laugh?

Do I express my fears goals or do I internalize it all until there is not even a chance to say a proper good bye.

I miss mixing those two up

I miss my chances. I miss the chance to say what I mean as much as I miss the opportunity to shut my mouth when I really should.

I miss people, despite being surrounded by people on a daily.

I miss my friends. I miss those still stuck at home because we can't quite control this pandemic as much as I miss those who have simply grown as busy as I have.

I miss my parents.

I wish I could say I never miss the chance to call and say hi, or the chance to drive by and have dinner with them.

I miss my siblings, and their idiosyncrasies.

I miss their own unique way to show their love.

The room-barging followed by silent company.

The random shared interests. The unnecessary but fun way of messing with each other.

I miss my home, be it where it may be.

I miss you.