Alone

In the desert

I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

Who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, “Is it good, friend?”

“It is bitter—bitter,” he answered;

“But I like it

“Because it is bitter,

“And because it is my heart.”

"In the Desert" by Stephen Crane

The phrase "I'm here for you" does a lot more than just show empathy towards another being. Being here and there for a being emphasizes a condition which weighs heavy on every single person at least once in their lives: solitude.

Most people, if not all, fear being alone in one way or another.

There are a myriad of ways one can end up feeling alone, and it would be near impossible to try to encompass all of them and tackle it all with an explanation. Instead of listing all benefits, downsides, and side effects of being alone, I will speak of the breeds of loneliness I've suffered from, and the solitude I've had the opportunity to delight myself with in my short life.

First off it's the void that pulls our feet from under the covers at night: the loneliness that arises at realizing that we won't be missed much if we were to not wake up the day after. It weighs heavier at times of dismay, as one is falling into an abyss of anxiety. Most of the time I know if I were to reach out to someone while I lay under the shadow of that willow tree, I'd have someone more than willing to lend their ear.

Which brings me to the second kind of loneliness: to be alone even when there is an understanding body in our vicinity. The exact way in which we fall upon this feeling varies. At times, we reach this anguish right in between a moment of happiness. We're at a gathering of sorts, and our social battery suddenly runs out. This manifests in a number of ways, be it feeling like an annoyance by merely being present; by feeling like we've been left out of the conversations, or simply by feeling like we don't fit in within the setting itself.

It's often said that to be alone in a crowded room is the worst kind of loneliness. We fake a smile, we play our part, and we do our best to pull through. But being lonesome comes in every shape and form, and every one of us feels it different. There no best or worst kind of loneliness. Just the feeling itself, and the quality and quantity of it.

Then we have that loneliness that the past births into our present. A series of ghosts that haunts us inadvertently. On a period of time prior to the moment of the present, we were loved and cherished so exhaustively, that the mere absence of this love creates a separate void within us. Like an emptiness within emptiness. Loneliness within an already lonely mind.

How do we avoid being alone then?

Even those of us who relish in our solitude, those of us who find shelter within our rooms and within the sanctuary of our minds, sometimes crave the tenderness of company.

We are kings of finding our faults and talents within our lonely hours. Masters at collecting hobbies and passions. Experts at introspection. We, ourselves, alone are our worst judges and our very best friends.

And even then we crave the talks, the laughs, the company, and the awkwardness even.

Despite our best efforts though, we are truly always alone. We learn to live with this solitude and make our best to not let it anchor us down into that sea of despair. Nobody else will think in the unique way each one of us thinks. Nobody else will experience life in the same way or with the same intensity each one of us do. Our idiosyncrasies and personalities are what make us special, but also what separates us from the rest and renders us lonely. And despite being a natural aspect of our human condition, we fear it still.

Aristotle said we humans are social animals. As such, it's in our nature to accompany one another within this vast solitude. But the truth of the matter is, even if there were aliens, cosmic creatures, and all manner of non-human life away from earth, everyone is truly always alone in this universe.

All we can do is help each other cope with solitude. Let's accompany ourselves through this loneliness we are all prisoners to and make our stay as pleasant as humanly possible.

Maybe one day the loneliness will end.